Hoop Dreams

Tonight I began my new fad in work outs, Hula Hooping, and I sucked!!!  Unlike my past fads, Can-Can and Double Dutch, I am not taking to this quickly.  It makes sense I was a natural at Can-Can because of all the years of ballet.  But I had about the same amount of experience of doing both hula hooping and double Dutch, that being on a playground from the ages of 6-12, and none since.  People tend to think double Dutch is hard, but we were all jumping two ropes within the first 30 min.  However, tonight at Hoop Girls I couldn't even keep my hoop up by the end of class.

My body is battered, and I suspect I will see bruises tomorrow.  The good news is I worked up a sweat and used that part of my brain which I don't use at work.  I don't know what it's called, but I experienced it a lot in double dutch, trying to figure out how to make your body do new things in a rhythmic routine.  I don't give up easily and I came home with my very own brand new hula hoop. Now I can spend my evenings hooping when I would have been munching.

I have to mention that the class was surprisingly hippy-dippy.  At the beginning to warm up, we walk, skip, shuffle, dance around in a circle and move our hoop around.  At the end, that's when it gets hippy.  We make another circle, hold our hoops our parallel to the floor and walk to the middle until the hoops make a giant vase.  Then we each say what we are grateful for getting out of the class that night, and throw those good wishes into the hoop vase.  Finally we all lift our hoops into the sky, back away, and make a blossoming hoop flower.  Ahhh.

And I'm Off

And my journey has begun, Tuesday morning, December 27, 2012.  I didn't go out with the bang I thought I might.  No jumbo chocolate cake, or big family toast to my final meal.  I didn't even request my favorite foods for dinner, I think that could have been too many foods to capture on a single table or eat in one night. The point after all is to leave them behind, so why have them fresh on my pallet.

Instead my final dinner was a holiday family affair.  We had our traditional Christmas Eve dinner, the day after so Debby could join.  It was Dad's Salmon Chowder, no lefse, just Dad's bread.  Had I been going for the blowout, I would have made the lefse myself.  And while everyone was raving about the rice pudding, I kept with what I knew, Green Stuff, aka Watergate Salad.  Since I've never really had rice pudding, no point in creating something new for me to crave.  But there was plenty of drinking, and that would have happened regardless, because Debby was home.

Tuesday morning, I got up and prepared my first liquid diet meal, Oatmeal.  It was disgusting!!!  Maybe it would have helped if I liked plain oatmeal a bit more, but this didn't resemble oatmeal at all.  Instead of being thick mush, this was a puddle of grey water with a few oats floating in it.  I tried adding cinnamon, but that didn't help, maybe the cinnamon was stale.  Then I tried adding some stevia for sweetness, that helped a little, very little.  In the end I gave up and dumped two deplorable tablespoons out.  They were also two valuable tablespoons, because when you are eating so little, every drop fills your stomach.

The first day sucked orangoutang balls.  The food was no good. The soup I had for lunch was just as bad as the oatmeal for breakfast.  It tasted like it the primary ingredient was sawdust. I went to the Muppets with my parents and got up to pee no less then four times, and I may have missed the best parts.    And not surprisingly, I was hungry, constantly.  But finally that night, I tasted a glimmer of hope.  The chocolate shake was delicious.  I might be able to survive on chocolate shakes alone.

Now it is day four, I haven't cheated, and I'm enjoying those chocolate shakes.  I won't say I'm thriving yet, I'm doing a lot of sleeping.  I'm fatigued, and until my body has adjusted to the lack of calories, I might as well sleep.  After all, when I'm sleeping I don't notice my stomach growling.

It's Beginning to FEEL a Lot Like Christmas

OK, so I was a little disappointed a month ago when David told me I should wait to start the program until I got home from Hawaii.  Then I thought about it, if I should wait until after Hawaii, then I should wait until after my birthday.  And if I should wait until after my birthday, then I should wait until after Christmas.  Given that I had waited six months to get to the point where they tell me about the program, that is a LOT of waiting.  So I guess what is a few more weeks.

Well thank God I waited.  The treats at the office are coming in two by two on a daily basis.  I try eating the pears, but they were gone quick.  And then my obsession came in, chocolate covered dried cherries.  Followed by Moose Munch.  I don't stand a chance with all these goodies around.  And today, a Danish pastry.  I'm Scandinavian for crying out loud, I can't resist a DANISH!!!  One more AND, I had to enter the bake off, AND win.

I think on the plus side, by the time this is all over, I'll be treated out and ready for some detox.

So What's the Point??

So what is the point of this blog any how.  The truth is cliche, it's complicated.

First and foremost this is an opportunity for me to express myself in a way that I don't feel comfortable with usually expressing myself.  Well, about what??  The what is my weight, specifically the challenge of losing it.  It's difficult, I hate talking about it, and if my friends and family read this instead of asking me questions, all the better.

The next reason is captured in the name, "Jump in the Pool."  Sometimes, well most of the time I don't identify myself as what I am, FAT, there I said it.  Usually I would try to say something clever, and I thought of a few things, but then that wouldn't be "identifying," which is the whole point.  I'm shocked when I see pictures of myself, because it's not what I see when I look in the mirror.  I still see what I want to see.  It's time for me to jump in and recognize what I am, and change it.

So, "Jump in the Pool," and what it means.  I used to go to Water Aerobics at least once a week at the Balboa Pool, maybe 25 pounds ago.  It was fun, but the people are much older than me, and well, fatter, I thought.  Recently I have been encouraged to go back, and these days it's about the only exercise that doesn't hurt or make me completely winded.  But before, I didn't think I was like those other ladies, and now, well now I belong there too.  And I just don't want to "Jump in the Pool."

When I told my therapist about this, she laughed, and said, "Jump in the Pool" would make a great name for a blog.  So here it goes.

"Jump in the Pool" also is a great song by Friendly Fires that I had been listening to when we had the conversation, all the signs were there.

The fear is falling away

Keep breathing, keep searching
Keep holding on
Keep breathing, keep living
Keep holding on